Have you ever wondered what the first wedding ceremony was like? And, do you know where the old saying, "Something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue" comes from? Virtually every part of a wedding, from the engagement to the honeymoon, has rich history. Cultural roots, ancestry, and religious beliefs have shaped marriages for thousands of years. The following descriptions will provide you with a brief history of various wedding elements.
The First Marriage Rites
The earliest weddings were very different from our idea of marriage today. Our primitive ancestors came together for protection and survival rather than meaningful relationships. Since there was safety in numbers, primitive people formed tribes to which they were very loyal. Some historians believe that the first marriages may have actually been group weddings - marriage to the tribe.
It wasn't until much later that men and women came together in couples, and formed individual families. Even then, marriage wasn't always a happy event. Due to tribal rivalry, women and children were often captured or stolen. Since many tribes had rules forbidding intermarriage within a clan, women were kidnapped and forced to marry the strangers who captured them. Historians often refer to this period in time as the "marriage by capture" era.
The Proposal
In the 19th century, a declaration of love was the equivalent of a proposal. In ancient times, arranged marriages did not include proposals nor did marriage by capture. Asking the bride's father for her hand in marriage comes from the era of arranged marriages.
The Bachelor Dinner
More commonly known today as the bachelor party, this celebration in the groom's honor was originally called the bachelor dinner, or stag party. Like many other wedding traditions, the custom has stood the test of time. It first came about in the fifth century, in Sparta, where military comrades would feast and toast one another on the eve of a
friend's wedding. Even today, a bachelor party customarily takes place quite close to the actual wedding date, as it has become known as the
groom's last taste of freedom. Despite the risqué entertainment that is associated with stag parties today, bachelor parties have not always entailed this controversial element. Although rowdy and boisterous, bachelor parties are traditionally organized to allow the jittery groom and his wedding attendants to release some anxieties before the big day.
The Bachelor Party
This tradition began in ancient Greece as a dinner attended by the groom and his closest friends on the evening before his wedding. The dinner served two purposes: It was an occasion to celebrate and reminisce about the past; money was also raised during the dinner so the groom could continue to drink with his buddies after his wife took control of the finances.
However, its main purpose was for the groom's friends to mourn the passing of his bachelor status. Not to be left out, many of today's brides celebrate in a similar manner with the increasingly popular bachelorette party.
The Wedding Party
During the "marriage by capture" era, close friends of the groom-to-be assisted him when he kidnapped the bride from her family. The first ushers and best men were more like a small army, fighting off the brides angry relatives as the groom rode away with her.
Bridesmaids and maids of honor became more common when weddings were planned. For several days before the marriage, a senior maid attended to the bride-to-be. This maid or matron of honor, as we know her today, ensured that the bridal wreath was made and helped the bride get dressed. All bridesmaids helped the bride decorate for the wedding feast.
For a long time, bridesmaids wore dresses much like the bride's gown, while ushers dressed in clothing that was similar to the groom's attire. This tradition began for protection against evil rather than for uniformity; if evil spirits or jealous suitors attempted to harm the newlyweds, they would be confused as to which two people were the bride and groom.
The Bridal Shower
In Holland, when a father disapproved of his daughter's choice of a suitor, he often refused to contribute to her dowry. To show their support for the bride-to-be, villagers gathered and "showered" her with gifts and household goods to compensate for this. Today, in keeping with the times, "couples showers" are coming into vogue, where gifts are bestowed upon both the bride and groom-to-be.
Wedding Flowers
Before the use of flowers in the bridal bouquet, women carried aromatic bunches of garlic, herbs, and grains to drive evil spirits away as they walked down the aisle. Over time, these were replaced with flowers, symbolizing fertility and everlasting love. Specific flowers have special meanings in many cultures. In Hawaii, the bride and groom wear leis; newlyweds in India don floral headdresses.
The Bridal Gown
Wedding gowns have not always been elaborate, as many are today. In the eighteenth century, poor brides dressed in simple robes. This symbolized to her future husband that she brought nothing with her into the marriage and would therefore not burden him with any debt. It wasn't until the mid nineteenth century that the all-white wedding dress became fashionable. Up until then a bride simply wore her best dress, regardless of its color. In 1840, Queen Victoria's pure white gown started the trend that many women follow today.
Victoria was quite the pioneer; she chose to be married in a white gown, eschewing the traditional silver garb commonly worn by royals. Her choice had a far-reaching impact that even she couldn't have foreseen. After her wedding, white not only became the "official" color for brides-to-be; it also became a symbol of wealth, as few women could afford an elaborate white dress that couldn't easily be reused.
These days, the white wedding gown has become a symbol of joy and celebration. In the past, the white gown also carried with it the connotation of purity, youth and virginity. Needless to say, this has changed, and many second-time brides are now choosing to wear white for their weddings.
The Bridal Veil
In early weddings, men bargained for wives with the woman's father. At the wedding ceremony, a bride wore the veil as a symbol of submissiveness and a promise to obey her new husband. Only after the ceremony was the veil lifted to reveal the bride's appearance to the groom. Sometime in the sixteenth century, headdresses with delicate veils became fashionable; lace veils became popular after Queen
Victoria's wedding in 1840.
Originally, the wedding veil symbolized the bride's virginity, purity and modesty. However, today the veil is generally thought of as a romantic accessory to the traditional wedding gown.
Usually, the veil includes a blusher, which the groom lifts at the end of the ceremony to kiss the bride. As the story goes, the use of full veiling subsided after Jacob (of the Biblical Old Testament) was tricked into marrying Laban's older daughter Leah instead of his beloved Rachel. Leah was disguised under full veiling; as a result, Jacob had to perform seven additional years of labor for Laban before he was allowed to marry Rachel! Even so, in some Asian and Middle Eastern countries, full veiling is still used to hide the bride's face completely.
According to folklore, the first lace veil was worn by Nelly Curtis, George Washington's adopted daughter. When Nelly's husband-to-be first saw her, she was behind a lace curtain. He was so entranced by her beauty that she decided to recreate the effect for their wedding by fashioning a veil out of lace.
Wedding Rings
The wedding ring is the most ancient of all marriage traditions. Nearly every civilization since the Egyptians has used the wedding ring as a symbol of the marriage agreement. In Egyptian hieroglyphics, the circle represents eternity, and the earliest rings were made of braided grass, hay, leather, bone and ivory. When metals were eventually discovered, the first metal rings were lumpy and awkward. Today, wedding rings can be anything from an inexpensive, plain band to an intricate setting studded with gems.
No matter where a person chooses to wear their wedding ring, the marriage bond is complete once vows are recited. The most common placement for wearing a wedding ring is on the fourth finger of the left hand. This custom began with the Egyptians, who believed that a vein on the left hand was directly connected to the heart. Today, a more practical explanation is that the left hand gets less use - and will be less likely to get damaged - since most people are right-handed.
Despite longstanding traditions, however, wedding rings are not always worn on the left hand. For a time, wealthy Elizabethans wore huge, elaborate wedding rings on their thumbs. In the eighteenth century, Roman Catholics wore them on the right hand. Even today, many European women still follow this tradition.
In some European countries, the wedding band is worn on the right hand; in others the ring is worn on the left hand during the engagement period and switched to the right hand after marriage.
There are also many superstitions about wedding rings. For example, it is unlucky for the bride-to-be to go shopping for a ring on a Friday due to the bad luck associated with that day. It is equally important that neither the future bride nor groom wear their rings before the wedding ceremony since that would be presumptuous.
Before coinage, gold rings were circulated as currency. By giving a gold ring to his bride, a man showed he trusted her with his property. Under Roman law, the ring was a sign of security, protecting the interests of the bride-to-be. In Elizabethan times, an interlocking set of three rings was used and worn during the engagement period by the bride, the groom and the witness at the wedding. The three rings would be placed on the bride's finger during the wedding ceremony. Diamond rings became popular in the 19th century. However, diamond engagement rings have been around much longer
(see next item).
Diamonds
The diamond was called the Venus stone by the ancients to compare its shining beauty with the planet Venus in the evening sky. Like this goddess, who was dedicated to love, the diamond in time became associated with sweethearts, and it's mysterious inner fire was likened to the equally mysterious fires of passion. The Greeks called it "adamas" -- eternal or unchanging; most likely this ancient name came from the character of the stone - the hardest substance in nature.
According to history, the diamond as an engagement ring began in 1477 with Maximilian of Austria and Mary of Burgundy. Max asked one of his councillors for advice in proposing to Mary. The councillor told him to give her a diamond. Max took the advice and proposed, slipping a diamond ring on the third finger of her left hand. Mary said "yes" and a tradition was born.
Today, when many traditions are toppling, the diamond ring tradition is stronger than ever. It is followed by four out of five engaged couples -- for whom the individual expression of their love is still captured in that tiny, sparkling gem.
.The Wedding Cake
Wedding cakes have been a part of marriage ceremonies since medieval times. In Rome, the first wedding cakes were actually loaves of wheat bread. During the ceremony, the bread was broken over the
bride's head as a blessing for long life and many children. Guests often ate the crumbs as a sign of good luck.
Over time, a variant of this custom evolved into the forerunner of the contemporary tiered cake that is widely used today. In medieval England, wedding guests brought small cakes to the ceremony as a gift for the newlyweds. The cakes were stacked in a pile, as high as possible, to make it difficult for the newlyweds to kiss one another over the top. If the bride and groom were able to kiss over the tall stack, it was thought to symbolize a lifetime of prosperity. Eventually, the idea of stacking them neatly and frosting them together was adopted as a more convenient option.
Although wedding cakes were once white inside and out, there are few rules about how they look today. Contemporary cakes can be any color, flavor or shape. Even if a couple prefers a traditional layered wedding cake, there are countless options for decoration.
Saving a portion of the wedding cake is an old tradition that some couples still practice. As a sign of posterity, couples freeze the top portion of their wedding cake, thawing it out on their first anniversary to share with one another. Since normal cakes won't keep this long (and still taste good,) bakers can prepare a special layer that will survive for a year in the freezer.
The Groom's Cake
In the past, the groom's cake was actually called the wedding cake, and what we now think of as the wedding cake was referred to as the bride's cake. Over time, the terminology was reversed, but superstition surrounding the
groom's cake was not lost. According to an old myth, if a single woman sleeps with a piece of the groom's cake under her pillow, she will dream of the man that she will marry.
The first groom's cakes were reserved for guests to take home as a memento of the wedding. For this reason, they were usually made of dark, heavy fruitcake since it is durable and keeps for a long period of time. Contemporary groom's cakes, however, are not bound by old traditions. In fact, the groom's cake is a perfect opportunity to express creativity. Many grooms like to have the cake decorated or shaped into something that reflects one of their hobbies, or something the couple enjoys doing together.
The Honeymoon
The bride and groom's honeymoon hasn't always been a post-wedding vacation together, as we know it today. The word actually originated in northern Europe.
After "capturing" his bride, the groom would disappear with her for a month (or lunar cycle, hence "moon").
During that time the newlyweds drank meade, a honeyed wine (also called metheglen),
which was believed to lower sexual inhibitions. By the sixteenth century, the term "honeymoon" referred less to a time period than to a romantic feeling.
Wedding Infare
Many people may have never heard of the term infare, yet are quite familiar with the tradition. In the 1880s, it was an American custom for the bridegroom's parents to host an infare, or a feast, on the day following the wedding. Today, this custom has evolved into a Sunday brunch intended to give out-of-town guests more opportunity to visit with family, friends and other wedding guests before returning home.
Something Old, Something New...
Something Old, Something New, Something Borrowed, Something Blue...(and a Silver Sixpence in Her Shoe.) This good-luck saying originated in the Victorian era. Brides today often incorporate special items into their wedding attire according to the rhyme.
"Something Old" symbolizes a link to the bride's family and the past. A family heirloom, such as a piece of antique jewelry or a family member's wedding dress can represent the old object. Or, a bride can sew lace or ribbon into the hem of her dress.
"Something New" represents good fortune and success in the bride's new life. A bride may wear a new string of pearls, or use her wedding gown as the new item.
"Something Borrowed" symbolizes the love and support of family and friends in times of need. A borrowed object can be a token from a happily married friend, such as a lace handkerchief.
"Something Blue" is an object that symbolizes faithfulness and loyalty. Brides commonly choose a blue garter or ribbon.
"A Silver Sixpence In Her Shoe," is a blessing for wealth. Since sixpences are difficult to find, any silver coin makes a sufficient substitute.
The Wedding Day Garter
The tradition of throwing the garter began in France. Tossing the garter and bridal bouquet isn't just a way of relieving the bride of poor leg circulation and bad allergies. Today, it indicates that the gentleman who catches the garter and the lady who catches the bouquet will be the next to marry. However, in ancient days, wedding guests believed it would bring good luck if they left the wedding celebration with a piece of the bride's attire. Sometimes the tradition became uncontrollable, as wedding guests would rip at the bride's gown. Grooms soon began tossing the garter to protect their brides from the chaos, still offering a piece of luck to male wedding guests. Brides soon began throwing their bouquets as gifts of luck for female wedding guests.
The man who catches the garter and the lady who caught the bouquet may start the next dance. It is also common for the recipients of the bouquet and garter to have a photograph taken with the bride and groom. The garter is placed on the brides right leg, just above the knee. The bride may choose to wear both a garter to throw as well as a garter that she would keep.
The Bouquet or Toss Bouquet
Originally, the bouquet formed part of the wreaths and garlands worn by both the bride and groom. It was considered a symbol of happiness. Today the practice of tossing the bouquet is similar to the tradition of throwing the garter. The single woman who catches the bouquet is believed to be the next to marry.
Other Traditions
Confetti
Traditionally thrown over the couple to bring fertility to the newly weds.
Wedding Bells
Bells are rung at weddings to protect the couple from future misfortunes.
The Wedding Cake
It is extremely good luck to eat wedding cake. It symbolizes fertility and brings good fortune to all who indulge in it.
The First Cut of the Cake
Symbolizing faithfulness and sharing it is traditional for the couple to share the cutting of the first slice of the wedding cake. Sending cake to those unable to attend is a gesture of sharing the good luck which the wedding cake will bring.
Wedding Gifts
Guest bringing presents dates back hundreds of years when originally fruits were offered to encourage fertility.
Carrying the Bride Across the Threshold
Symbolizing the bride giving up her virginity, it is also now considered good luck for the groom to carry his new wife across the threshold.
Decorating the Carriage / Car
Tying shoes to the back of the honeymoon getaway car has become a tradition normally considered the work of a prankster. However, in England during the Tudor period, guests would throw shoes at the newlyweds' carriage, as it was considered good luck if the shoes hit. To ensure luck, the shoes were later tied to the carriages. Today, the tradition lives on, yet beverage cans sometimes take the place of shoes.
Polish Wedding Greenpoint Circa 1947
ORIGIN OF WESTERN WEDDING TRADITIONS
Each culture, religious, national, and ethnic group have their own unique traditions surrounding marriage and the wedding ceremony. These traditions are as diverse and varied as mankind itself. The stories surrounding the origin of these traditions are not only interesting but provide an insight into understanding each group and the conditions present at the time.
Most of the wedding traditions common to the western world date from the time of the Roman Empire and the European Middle Ages. Most of these traditions were born from the civilization (or lack there of), culture, and/or the political and economic requirements of the times.
Most of these "traditions" really have no meaning today and are adhered to simply because "it's always been done that way". Each culture has also adopted traditions from other modern and ancient cultures. For example, today in Japan, most couples have a "western" style wedding ceremony in addition to their "traditional" Japanese wedding ceremony.
Many couples today do not want to be bound by what they consider the "outdated" traditions followed by earlier generations. More and more couples over the last ten years have been designing their own ceremonies (within church limitations). Many couples are also writing their own vows.
Most parts of the modern Christian wedding service have their roots in the traditional Jewish wedding service.
Since most couples do not know how many of these traditions came into being we include this brief overview of some of the traditions associated with weddings in the western world.
THE ORIGIN OF THE "RING FINGER"
In 3rd. century Greece the ring finger was the index finger. In India it was the thumb. The western tradition began with the Greeks who believed that the third finger was connected directly to the heart by a route that was called "the vein of love."
THE ORIGIN OF THE "WEDDING RING"
Rings were used as currency in the Middle East prior to the advent of coinage and were a sign of a persons wealth. In ancient times the wedding ring was thought to protected the bride from "evil spirits". Ancient Roman wedding rings were made of iron.
In early Rome a gold band came to symbolize everlasting love and commitment in marriage. Roman wedding rings were carved with two clasped hands. Very early rings had a carved key through which a woman was thought to be able to open her husband's heart.
THE ORIGIN OF THE "ENGAGEMENT RING"
In 860 A.D., Pope Nicholas I decreed that an engagement ring become a required statement of nuptial intent. He insisted that engagement rings had to be made of gold which signified a financial sacrifice on the part of the prospective husband.
THE ORIGIN OF THE DIAMOND ENGAGEMENT RING
The diamond engagement ring originated with King Maximillian who presented Mary of Burgundy with a diamond ring in 1477 as a token of his love.
The Venetians Popularized the custom during the 15th. century. Since the diamond was the hardest and most enduring substance in nature it followed that the engagement and marriage would endure forever.
THE ORIGIN OF THE WEDDING CAKE
In the 1st. century B.C. in Rome, the cake was thrown at the bride or broken over her head as one of the many fertility symbols which then were a part of the marriage ceremony.
THE ORIGIN OF THE GROOM'S CAKE
The tradition of a "Groom's Cake" comes from England and Ireland. There, the traditional groom's cake is a fruit cake with white icing. The groom's cake is usually served along with the traditional wedding cake. Today groom's cakes are very often chocolate instead of the traditional fruit cake.
THE ORIGIN OF THE TOAST
The term originates from the sixteenth century. At that time a small piece of bread would be placed in a goblet of wine. The goblet would be passed from guest to guest until it reached the person being honored who would drain the goblet and eat the morsel of bread in the bottom. This tradition is practiced at weddings today - usually in the form of one or more champagne "toasts". The best man has the honor of giving the first toast. Usually the bride and groom remain seated for the toasts while all the guests are usually standing to honor them. The couple may then make a few remarks thanking their families, wedding party members, and guests. They may also "toast" each other or share a "toast" together. Often special glass or silver goblets are used by the bride and groom. /P>
THE ORIGIN OF THE BEST MAN TRADITION
Among the Germanic Goths of northern Europe in 200 A.D., a man usually married a woman from within his own community. However, when there were fewer women, the prospective bridegroom would capture his bride from a neighboring village. The bridegroom was accompanied by his strongest friend (or best friend), who helped him capture his bride.
WHY THE BRIDE STANDS TO THE GROOMS LEFT
After the bridegroom captured his bride, he placed her on his left to protect her, thus freeing his right hand or sword hand against sudden attack.
THE ORIGIN OF THE "HONEYMOON"
After "kidnapping" his bride, the groom would take her and go into hiding. By the time the bride's family tracked them down them, the bride would probably already be pregnant! A "bride price" would then be negotiated.
An earlier source is the early Jewish custom of the bride and groom spending a week together alone immediately after the marriage feast. The earliest reference to this practice is Jacob's marriages to Leah and Rachel.
THE ORIGIN OF THE TERM "WEDDING"
Although some brides were kidnapped, marriage by purchase was the preferred method of obtaining a wife. The "bride price" could be land, social status, political alliances, or cash. The Anglo-Saxon word "wedd" meant that the groom would vow to marry the woman, but it also referred to the bride price (money or barter) to be paid by the groom to the bride's father. The root of the word "wedding" literally means to gamble or wager!
THE ORIGIN OF DOWRIES
As civilizations developed, political, military, and economic ties became very important to prominent families and clans. Arranged marriages were a means of cementing ties between families, middle class family businesses, and countries. A man's daughters, who were considered to be his property in those days, provided a means of securing needed alliances with other families. Thus dowries were introduced as a means attracting and securing the most beneficial family alliances possible.
THE ORIGIN OF THE TERM "TO TIE THE KNOT"
The term "tie the knot" also goes back Roman times. the bride would wear a girdle that was tied in many knots which the groom had the "duty" of untying.
THE ORIGIN OF BRIDAL SHOWERS
Bridal showers were meant to strengthen the ties between the bride and her friends, provide her moral support, and help her prepare for her marriage. Gift giving at showers dates from the 1890's.
THE ORIGIN OF STAG PARTIES
In Sparta, during the height of Greek civilization, soldiers were the first to hold stag parties. The groom would have a party for his friends the night before he was to marry. He would bid farewell to his bachelorhood and pledge his continued allegiance to his comrades.
THE ORIGIN OF THE BRIDAL PARTY
This term has many origins from different cultures. In Anglo-Saxon times, the groom had the help of "bridesmen" or "brideknights" to help him capture and/or escort his bride. Later they would make sure that the bride got to the church and to the groom's home afterwards. The women who accompanied and assisted the bride were called "bridesmaids" or "brideswomen".
THE ORIGIN OF SATURDAY WEDDINGS
In early times, for Christians, Sunday was the original day of choice for weddings because it was not a work day. The Puritan revolution in England during the 17th century changed all that - because the Puritans thought it improper to be festive on the Sabbath. Saturday is the most popular day for wedding now.
THE ORIGIN OF THE TRADITIONAL WHITE WEDDING DRESS
In 1499, Ann of Brittany popularized the white wedding gown. Prior to that time, a woman simply wore her best dress or a new dress without regard to the basic color.
THE ORIGIN OF SOMETHING "OLD", "NEW", "BORROWED", AND "BLUE"
The tradition of carrying carrying one or more items that are "old", "new", "borrowed" and "blue" also comes from English. There is an old English rhyme describing the practice which also mentions a sixpence in the brides shoe. Something old, signifying continuity, could be a piece of lace, jewelry, or a grandmother's handkerchief. Something new, signifying optimism in the future, could be an article of clothing or the wedding rings. Something borrowed, signifying future happiness, could be handkerchief from a happily married relative or friend. Something blue, signifying modesty, fidelity and love, comes from early Jewish history. In early Biblical times, blue not white symbolized purity. Both the bride and groom usually wore a band of blue material around the bottom of their wedding attire, hence the tradition of "something blue". Originally the sixpence was presented to the bride by her future husband as a token of his love. Today, very often, it is the bride's father who places a coin in the brides shoe prior to leaving home for the church.
THE ORIGIN OF WEDDING FLOWERS
From the earliest times, brides have adorned their hair with flowers and carried bunches of flowers. Traditionally, each type of flower had a special meaning and significance in and of itself. Flowers were often thrown at the couple after the ceremony. However today, most brides pick their flowers for color and personal appeal not based on the traditional meaning of particular flowers.
The groom's flower, worn on his lapel, usually matches one of the flowers in his bride's bouquet. This tradition goes back to medieval times when knights wore the colors of their lady in tournaments.
THE ORIGIN OF THE GARTER AND BRIDAL BOUQUET TOSS
In parts of Europe during the 14th contrary, having a piece of the bride's clothing was thought to bring good luck. Guests would literally destroy the brides dress by ripping off pieces of fabric. In order to prevent this, brides began throwing various items to the guests - the garter belt being one of the items.
In order to avoid this problem, it became customary in the 14th century for the bride to toss her garter to the men. Sometimes the men would get drunk, become impatient, and try to remove the garter ahead of time. Therefore, the custom evolved for the groom to remove and toss the garter. With that change the bride started to toss the bridal bouquet to the unwed girls of marriageable age.
WHY IT BECAME "BAD LUCK" FOR THE GROOM TO SEE BRIDE BEFORE THE CEREMONY
Until relatively recently, brides were considered the property of their father. Their futures and husbands were arranged without their consent. The marriage of an unattractive woman was often arranged with a prospective groom from another town without either of them having ever seen their prospective spouse. In more than one instance, when the groom saw his future wife, usually dressed in white, for the first time on the day of the wedding, he changed his mind and left the bride at the altar. To prevent this from happening, it became "bad luck" for the groom to see the bride on the day of the wedding prior to the ceremony.
THE ORIGIN OF THE WEDDING VEIL
Brightly colored veils were worn in ancient times in many parts of the world and were considered a protection against evil spirits Greek and Roman brides for yellow or red veils (representing fire) to ward off evil spirits and demons. At one time, Roman brides were completely covered with a red veil for protection.
In early European history, with the advent of arranged marriages veils served another purpose - to prevent the groom from seeing the brides' face till after the ceremony was over. Brides began to wear opaque yellow veils. Not only could the groom not see in, the bride could not see out! Therefore, the father of the bride had to escort her down the aisle and literally give the bride to the groom.
Nellie Custis, the daughter of Martha Washington, is credited with wearing the first lace veil.
Today, prior to a Jewish wedding ceremony, it is the groom who ritually "veils the bride". This reason for this tradition goes back to the marriage of Jacob to Leah (the older sister) when he thought he was marrying Rachel (the younger sister) whom he loved.
THE ORIGIN OF THE BRIDAL KISS
The kiss dates back to the earliest days of civilization in the Middle East. A kiss was used as the formal seal to agreements, contracts, etc. In Ancient Rome a kiss was still being used as the legal bold to seal contracts. Hence the obvious use of the custom at the end of the wedding ceremony to "seal" the marriage vows.
THE ORIGIN OF THROWING RICE
Rice has been used as a symbol of fertility and as a wish for a "full pantry" in various parts of the world from ancient to modern times. In the past, rice was not the only thing thrown at the bride and groom as the left the wedding. Wheat, instead of rice, was thrown in France, figs and dates were thrown in Northern Africa, and a combination of coins, dried fruit, and candy was thrown in Italy. In some European countries eggs are thrown!
Since rice is harmful to the birds that eat it, birdseed has replaced it for most weddings. Flower petals, confetti, baubles, and balloons are often used today instead of rice.
THE ORIGIN OF TYING OLD SHOES TO THE CAR
This tradition originated in England during the Tudor period. At that time, guests would throw shoes at the bride and groom as they left in their carriage. It was considered good luck if their carriage was hit. Today, more often than not, it is beverage cans that are tied to a couples car instead of shoes. It should also be noted that the English consider it good luck if it rains on their wedding day!
THE ORIGIN OF THE GROOM CARRYING THE BRIDE OVER THE THRESHOLD
Traditionally, the bride had to enter her new home the first time through the front door. If she tripped or stumbled while entering it was considered to be very bad luck. Hence the tradition of the groom carrying the bride over the threshold.
The Christian Wedding In North America...
More people get married in June than in any other month.
This isn't just because the weather is generally nice, although that sounds good to me. Actually, June spells weddings for several reasons.
1. Some authorities believe June is named for Juno, the Roman goddess of marriage.
2. Roses--the flower of love--bloom in June.
3. Old superstitions would recommend it. (Marry in the month of May, and you'll surely rue the day. Marry when June roses grow, over land and sea you'll go. There's a saying for each month.)
Mostly, though, I think people get married in June because everyone else does. The timing has the crowd's seal of approval, which is reassuring when you're spending an average of $19,000 (in the United States) on a wedding ceremony and trappings.
And that's kind of the problem with weddings. They suffer from too much sameness, from too much mindless adherence to tradition. Yes, it's nice to see love in bloom with the roses (especially when you're close to the bride and groom). But how many times can you see a long white dress, veil, tuxedo, cake, bouquet, and army of bridesmaids and groomsmen without feeling like you're sitting through another re-run. You just can't find anything memorable to set one apart from the other. Who did what at which wedding is an impossible thing to remember because they are all the same.
Don't couples deserve more than a McWedding with cheese? And don't guests deserve a show that is different, exciting, and original? Of course they do.
The more you know about wedding customs, the easier it is to pick and choose the ones that mean the most, thereby giving you a unique ceremony. Likewise, the more you know, the more amused you will be during the ceremonies you sit through as a guest.
The typical North American wedding
is just bursting with meaningful rituals and traditions.
Have you ever wondered why certain things are almost always done at weddings? For example, why the bride carries a bouquet or wears a veil? Or why guests throw rice or rose petals over the newlyweds? Everything has a reason. Some very popular and much loved practices cross many religious and cultural borders. Here are several rituals that are commonly observed in many modern weddings. Also their origins and symbolic meanings, and some suggestions on how you might incorporate them in your ceremony.
Veiling And Unveiling Of The Bride
The Special Meaning Of The Bride's Veil - The veil represents modesty and respect. It symbolizes the sanctity and exclusiveness of the marriage covenant and reminds the couple and the witnesses that the physical relationship is to be entered into only after the vows are completed.
When working with a couple, I suggest that the bride carefully consider her preferences regarding veiling. Will she have the veil covering her face? If so, who will unveil her? Would she prefer not to wear a veil at all? Various meanings have been attached to the veiling, from a sign that the bride is protected from evil spirits to a symbol of purity and virginity. In contemporary terms, I prefer to think of the unveiling as a rite of passage into matrimony and the public presentation of the bride.
1. Whoever escorts the bride down the aisle may unveil her before kissing her farewell. In a Christian or Western-style ceremony, this is usually her father (or, for various reasons, could be a brother or uncle). He shakes the hand of the groom, who then extends his arm to his bride. If the bride's escort is her father, I sometimes ask if he has any parting words.
2. If the bride is processing with both parents, the mother usually does the unveiling. And mothers typically know more about veils than fathers! Mom embraces her daughter, who then embraces her parents and bids them farewell. This is the signal for the groom to take his place beside the bride. In a lovely gesture, the groom may embrace his future in-laws; tender words are exchanged, a tear or two may fall. This is a moment of symbolic farewell. Then the groom gallantly offers his arm to his bride and brings her forward before the altar.
3. The bride remains veiled, until the nuptial kiss, at which time the groom lifts her veil and kisses her for the first time as his wife. Romantics favor this option!
Old and new items jointly symbolize the passage from the old unmarried state to that of the new married union. The wearing of a borrowed belonging demonstrates community participation in and approval of the wedding. Blue is worn because it is the color that signifies purity, love, and fidelity.
White Aisle Runner
A white aisle runner symbolizes walking on holy ground. A marriage covenant is not made merely between two people and their witnesses. It is made in the presence of God and He is actively involved in the agreement. The white aisle runner symbolizes God's holiness.
Exchanging Of Rings
The wedding rings symbolize the promises binding two people together in marriage. The unbroken circle of the wedding band represents the continuity of undying love.
If you've ever wondered why Americans put the wedding ring on the third finger of the left hand, it's because of an ancient Greek belief that a vein in this finger ran directly to the heart. And if you've ever groaned at having to buy both an engagement ring and a wedding ring, you can blame Pope Innocent III, who instituted a waiting period between engagement and marriage in the 13th century and also insisted that a ring be used in the wedding ceremony. Before that, rings were used to seal an engagement only (as well as other important agreements).
Special Seating For The Parents
The parents of the bride and groom are part of the marriage covenant. The commitments they make during the ceremony are just as binding as the vows of the couple. The final responsibility of parents for their children is to determine with them God's will for a life partner. Thereafter, they serve in a chain of counsel for them and their children. Parents enter in the line of authority and leave in the line of counsel.
The Groom Entering First
By this action the groom signifies that he is the covenant initiator. This is important because whoever initiates the covenant assumes greater responsibility for seeing it fulfilled.
The Father Of The Bride Walking Down The Aisle
This action has two meanings. By doing so, the father is saying to the bride, "I am endorsing this young man as God's very best choice of a husband for you, and I am now bringing you to him." In addition, the father is
saying to the young man, "I am presenting to you a daughter who I have earnestly endeavored to raise as a pure bride."
The Bride And Groom Taking Each Other's Right Hand During The Ceremony
The open right hand offered by each party symbolizes their strength, resources and purpose. By clasping each other's right hand, they pledge these qualities to each other so that each partner can depend on all the resources that the other brings into the covenant relationship. The handclasp goes far beyond sealing the contract. It symbolizes the cleaving together of lives which is to be accomplished in the marriage covenant.
The Groom Making The First Vow
The groom must be the leader and assume greater responsibility to fulfill the marriage covenant. As covenant initiator, he must commit himself to the purposes of marriage which God established in the beginning.
Bridesmaids' Dresses.
If you've ever wondered why bridesmaids all dress the same, it's because Roman law required ten witnesses to make a wedding legal. Several of these witnesses dressed up exactly like the bride and groom, to confound any malevolent forces who might show up uninvited. Europeans followed a similar tradition, and later bridesmaids and groomsmen sometimes did have to defend the happy couple against real-life thugs and warriors.
Sharing Of A Cup Of Wine
Sharing wine between the bride and groom is a popular practice in many cultures and religions, so the wine ceremony can be adapted to celebrate two heritages at a wedding. These variations can be made to suit your cultural, and personal needs. Have your Minister include a bit of verse that has special meaning to you. Use a cup that represents your heritage. If you are Ethiopian, you may wish to drink honey wine from your native land. If you do decide on a personal variation, make mention of it.
Here are some examples on which you might model your wine ceremony:
1. Minister: This goblet of wine represents the cup of life. "Within it is port, which symbolizes the sweetness of life. If this port is any indication, our couple's life will be very, very sweet! (Groom)____________ and (Bride)____________, we now ask you to drink from the cup of mirth and abundance.
2. Minister: The bride and groom will drink a cup of wine. In ancient Greece, wine was considered the nectar of the gods. (Groom)____________ and (Bride)____________, we pray that your life be as sweet as the sweetest nectar.
Breaking Of Bread
The breaking and sharing of bread, which is often wrapped in a white cloth and kept on the altar or table, is another common tradition.
The celebrant might say something like this:
1. Minister: The breaking and sharing of bread among family and friends is an ancient tradition. It symbolizes that we are all nourished and sustained by the very same love that brought our bride and groom together.
(The Minister then breaks the bread and offers it to the bride and groom.)
2. (If the bread is being shared with the bridal party or all those in attendance, the celebrant may add)
Minister: Today, they share this love with you. (The Minister gives a piece of bread to each of those participating, and partakes himself as well.)
Minister: This bread has special significance because it was made by the loving hands of the mother of our bride. It will later be shared with all of you at the reception as a symbol of the bride's and groom's sharing their love with us on this blessed day.
3. (If you wish, the bread can be broken for the bride and groom and the bridal party. The bridal attendants then pass around small, precut pieces arranged in baskets to the entire congregation.)
Handfasting, or Binding Of The Hands
The binding of the hands ritual is universal; it has numerous meanings and can take many forms. Handfasting existed in the Pagan Celtic period, when the hands were bound with a ribbon or cord. In some Buddhist ceremonies, the couple's hands are bound with the Buddhist rosary, the mala. In a Catholic service, the priest will sometimes wrap the hands with his prayer stole. In the Hindu wedding ceremony, the hands are bound with a special thread. In an African-American union, the celebrant may wrap the couple's hands in kente cloth and explain something of its significance to the
guests. Typically, the handbinding fits most comfortably after the couple's declaration of intent and before they take their vows. Here are some suggestions:
The Basic Handfasting
If the Minister is using a prayer stole, he may first take the stole in his hands.
Minister: This prayer stole indicates that God has joined you together. As your hands are bound, So are your hearts, minds, bodies, and souls.
(The Minister wraps their hands, closes his eyes in a few moments of silent prayer, then unwraps their hands. The ritual may end there, or the celebrant may say the following words while supporting the couple's joined hands with his right hand from below:)
Minister: As you hold the hands of your beloved, listen to what I am about to say. Above you are the stars, below you is the earth, as time does pass, remember: Like the earth should your love be firm, grounded in your humanity. Like a star should your love be constant, imbued with the light of God. Let the powers of the mind and of the intellect guide you in your marriage. Let the strength of your wills bind you together. Let the power of love and desire make you happy, and the strength of your dedication make you inseparable.
Including Family Members
If the mothers are being honored at another ritual during the service, such as in the lighting of the unity candle, you may wish to involve the fathers at this point by asking for their blessing on the union. Alternatively, all parents, perhaps stepparents as well, may come forward.
Minister: Will the fathers of the bride and groom please come forward? Your children ask your blessing upon their marriage. Do you bless this union?
Fathers of the bride and groom: Yes.
Minister: Then will you each place your right hand upon the hands of your children and join me in a silent prayer.
(The minister places one hand on top of the fathers' hands and one hand below the couple's hands, in a cradling or cupping gesture. There follows a silent prayer, thirty seconds or so, or the minister may say a brief prayer. He then thanks the fathers and asks them to. be seated.)
Holding Hands In A Moment Of Silence
If you do not like the idea of your hands being bound, your minister may simply hold your hands in a reverent moment.
After the declaration of intent
The minister asks, "Since it is your intention to join in marriage, will you now join hands and with your hands your hearts?" These words are from Shakespeare. Then he holds your enjoined hands with both others, gently, reverently, with closed eyes, for a moment of silent prayer and blessing. This is a wonderful and reverent prelude to the vows. It focuses and prepares the couple to say the powerful words to follow.
The Couple Being Pronounced "Husband And Wife"
This establishes their change of names and a definite point in time for the beginning of the marriage. These words are to remove any doubt in the minds of the couple or the witnesses concerning the validity of the marriage.
You May Exchange Souls With The Bride
During the Roman empire, the Romans used a kiss to seal a contract. The kiss was considered legally binding. Continued use of the kiss to seal the marriage bond is based on the deeply rooted idea of the kiss as a vehicle for transference of power and souls. The big wedding kiss symbolizes the swapping of souls between the bride and groom. What's more, a bride marrying in the Church of England had to kiss the minister before she smooched the groom.
Signing The Wedding Papers
The newlyweds sign the wedding papers to establish a public document and public record of the covenant.
Signing The Guest Book
Your wedding guests are official witnesses to the covenant. By signing the guest book, they are saying, "I have witnessed the vows, and I will testify to the reality of this marriage." Because of this significance, the guest book should be signed after the wedding rather than before it.
Where's The Toast?
We call it a "toast" when we drink to someone because of an old French custom in which a piece of bread was put in the bottom of the wine cup (for flavor).
Yuck! Partygoers would drink and pass the cup; when it reached the person being toasted, he would drain it crouton and all. It sounds pretty unhygienic. But think of how much more excitement a crunchy beverage would bring to the traditional wedding toast.
Many things are thrown through the air at weddings:
The Bride's Bouquet - Bridal bouquets have evolved through the ages. Saracen brides carried bouquets of orange blossoms to symbolize fertility, and Roman brides carried sheaves of wheat to symbolize prosperity for their husbands. In the eighteenth century, the practice of carrying a bouquet of flowers or herbs became a popular tradition which symbolized fragility, purity, and new life. Bouquets of dill were among the most popular herb carried. After the ceremony the dill was eaten to "provoke lust." Today bridal bouquets are tossed to assembled single women to symbolize new life and to pass on the bride's good fortune.
Rice And Petals - In the Middle Ages, handfuls of wheat were thrown over married couples to symbolize the hope for fertility. In modem times, rice is typically thrown as it also symbolizes fertility, m recent years, flower petals have become another alternative, symbolizing beauty, happiness and prosperity.
Garters - Apparently, in the good old days, before wedding dresses cost as much as small cars, people used to rip off chunks of the dress for good luck. The garter was like some lizards' tails: something that could be shucked off in self-defense.
Socks - In long-ago England, friends of the groom would rip off their socks and throw them; the first to hit the groom's nose would be the next to be married.
Bride To The Right Or Left?
Traditionally, the bride stands on the left, the groom on the right. (Although the Jewish wedding tradition reverses this.) Weddings used to be a lot more like the ones you watch on daytime TV, with dastardly ex-suitors and other thugs sometimes rushing the altar. And of course, some wedding crashers were heroes, just trying to rescue a captured bride. Whatever the reason for the interference, the groom needed to keep his right hand free so he could grab his sword, thus the bride stood clear and to the left. I wonder what happened when the groom was left-handed?
Candle Lighting Ceremony
In this much loved ritual, three candles are placed on the altar or table, two side candles representing the individual spirits of the bride and groom, and a center candle that signifies the light of their relationship. I like to have the groom light his side candle when he takes his place by the altar. Then the bride will light her side candle when she comes forward in the procession. However, the mothers may light those candles at the beginning of the ceremony.
After the vows the couple will lift his or her lighted candle and together they light the center candle.
Releasing Of Butterflies
The butterfly release is visually magical and a popular ritual these days. At the conclusion of the ceremony, after the closing blessing is recited, perhaps twenty, fifty, or a hundred monarch butterflies are released to flutter over the heads of the couple and their guests. Typically this is done at an outdoor ceremony, though some couples have their bridesmaids release the butterflies during the recession. However, the practice is politically and ecologically controversial.
An ecologically conscious couple might adapt the ritual in the following manner: Capture two wild butterflies that will remain in small, aerated boxes until the conclusion of the ceremony. The bride and groom then each release one butterfly while the Minister recounts a Native American legend. (It should be noted, however, that the butterfly release is not a Native American tradition.)
Here are two versions.
1. Minister: A Native American legend says that if you have a secret wish, capture a butterfly and whisper that wish to it. Since butterflies cannot speak, your wish is secure in her safekeeping. Release the butterfly and she will carry your wish to the God, who alone discerns the secrets locked within a butterfly. By setting the butterfly free, you are helping restore the balance of nature, and therefore your wish will be granted. Please, (Groom)____________ and (Bride)____________, share now in this ritual by making your silent wish and releasing your butterfly.
2. Minister: Native American legend states that if you capture a butterfly and whisper a wish to it, she will carry that wish to God and it will be granted. Would you all please make your silent wishes now for (Groom)____________ and (Bride)____________ for their life together, as we release two butterflies?
Releasing Of Doves
This ritual can take place with just two doves and with as many as fifty. Inevitably, there is a symphony of oooos and ahhhhs from the guests. Often the doves fly away, in one massive, fluttering swoop. Again, this practice is ecologically and politically controversial.
The dove release comes at the very end of the ceremony, or after the closing blessing.
The minister may end his blessing with one of the following passages:
1. Minister: The dove has long been a sign of peace and hope. It is seen as a symbol, an omen of good. In conclusion of our ceremony, (Groom)____________ and (Bride)____________ will now release the doves, and with them go all our hopes and good wishes for this couple's new life to come. Go in peace to love and serve the Lord.
2. Minister: The dove has long been a sign of peace and hope. It is seen as a symbol, an omen of good. In conclusion of our ceremony, (Groom)____________ and (Bride)____________ will now release the doves, and with them go all our hopes and good wishes for this couple's new life to come. Go now with love in your hearts and peace in your souls.
3. Minister: White doves have long been a spiritual symbol of hope and peace. Our bride and groom will now release two doves. As the doves are released, we ask all of you to fill yourselves with a hope, a prayer, a good wish for (Groom)____________ and (Bride)____________ for the many years to come. Their love is our great hope for peace.
The Purpose Of The Receiving Line
The receiving line is for guests to give their blessings to the couple and their parents
The Meaning Of Serving Food At The Reception
Food is part of the covenant celebration. It further symbolizes the unity of the couple. Entering into a meal itself is a form of covenant.
The Bride And Groom Feeding Wedding Cake To Each Other
This represents the sharing of their body to become one. A New Testament illustration of this symbolism is The Lord's Supper.
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Religious Traditions
It is awe-inspiring to think how the life and teachings of one poor Jewish carpenter born in a stable over two thousand years ago have affected and transformed much of the world. However Christian practices may vary (from a ritualistic High Catholic Mass to a simple Quaker assembly, in temples of worship that range from elaborately ornate and majestic cathedrals to unadorned wooden meeting houses) all hold in common the teachings of Jesus of Nazareth. He lived for only thirty-three years, he wrote nothing, he traveled little, he was crucified by the political leaders of his culture. Very little is known with absolute certainty about this historical Jesus, and scholars continue the debate over whether Jesus' sayings were actually his. Still, there is no denying the power that those words have inspired for centuries.
What Jesus Taught.
Jesus was a healer, a teacher, a miracle worker, a man who emerged from forty days of fasting and praying in the wilderness to spend his remaining few years talking to his followers and to the crowds that gathered around him. His message, in essence, was simple: God loves you, and you can best embrace his love by practicing love and forgiveness among your fellow human beings. We hear his message as he describes the last judgment (Matthew 25:40): "Inasmuch as ye have done it unto the least of my brethren, ye have done it unto me."
The words of Jesus of Nazareth electrified those who heard him. and remain at the ethical foundation of much of modern civilization.
Many of his teachings came in the form of startling images:
1. "Why do you see the speck in your neighbor's eye, but do not notice the log in your own eye?"
2. "If you have faith the size of a mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there,' and it will move."
3. "It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for someone who is rich to enter the kingdom of God."
4. "Let anyone among you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone."
5. "Unless you change and become like children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven."
To me, one of the most astonishing teachings of Jesus was this powerful cornerstone of the Christian faith: "But if anyone strikes you on the right cheek, turn the other also; and if anyone wants to sue you and take your coat, give your cloak as well; and if anyone forces you to go one, mile, go also the second mile." And, perhaps it was at his crucifixion, with death near, that Jesus gave his most compelling lesson: "Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do." Such unconditional love for all humanity is what so many millions find uplifting and transforming.
From the historical Jesus to the Christ of faith. Jesus' life, ministry, death, and the belief in his resurrection have become enduring symbols of life and the liberation from its pain. Indeed, it is faith in his resurrection that is at the foundation of the Church. For Christians, it is synonymous with their own resurrection, signifying a spiritual rebirth. When speaking of Christ and the Church, Christians are referring to the mystical body of Christ (a body of light, love, and compassion, available to all humankind).
Estimates put the number of Christians at about 2 billion, making Christianity the largest religion in the world today. Its divisions include Roman Catholicism; Protestantism (including Episcopalian, Anglican, Methodist, Lutheran, Presbyterian, Baptist, and Quaker denominations, and the Evangelical and Pentecostal movements); Eastern Orthodoxy (including members of the Russian Orthodox and Greek Orthodox Churches); and the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, or the Mormon Church.
Christianity's scripture is the Bible: the thirty-nine books of the Old Testament and the twenty-seven books of the New Testament. It is there that we read the message of love that underscores all the branches and denominations we call Christianity.
Marriage in the Christian Tradition
In Christianity, marriage is considered a sacrament. For Roman Catholics, Anglicans, and those of the Eastern Orthodox faith, Holy Matrimony is one of the seven great sacraments that define a life, from Baptism at birth to Anointing of the Sick at death.
It is the joining of a man and woman in a permanent state of unity. Both parties must enter into marriage seriously, and neither may be coerced. Together, husband and wife are expected to endure whatever life may bring (whether happiness or sorrow, sickness or health, abundance or hardship).
Most Christian weddings have an altar. The altar may hold the unity candle, wine, and bread.
Native American Spirituality
Native American spirituality is rooted in a profound sense of the interconnectedness of all living things including animals and birds, the two-legged and four-legged ones, the winged ones; trees and other plants; men and women. The sense of interconnectedness applies also to the life-giving elements of air, water, and soil. Here lies the belief in the existence of the Great Spirit, the formless and sacred force that permeates the universe. All life is considered sacred. All are to live in harmony. Giving thanks to the Great Spirit for its/his/her gifts is essential. Prayer, ritual, fasting, and meditation are important to the keeping of a sacred life. As human beings, we are considered responsible for ensuring the lasting welfare of all forms of living
things. Given these basic tenets, along with deep respect for the earth, it is easy to see why many in our increasingly ecologically minded society are drawn to Native American spirituality and thinking. Here body and spirit are connected, being one with all life. It is said that Native Americans love the earth as a newborn baby loves the sound of his mother's heartbeat.
About 2 million Native Americans live in North America; perhaps half today also identify themselves at least nominally as Christian. Among the tribes and nations, traditions vary according to language, history, and environment. Native Americans continue to honor the sacred rites that have influenced and indeed benefited so many non-Native Americans. Many feel our indigenous population can teach us the balance that our Western society so badly needs.
The Setting. You may hold your wedding outdoors, facing east if possible. One traditional thought, which your celebrant can mention at the opening of the ceremony, states that the sun is a manifestation of the Great Spirit, the sacred source of all life. Facing east, where the sun rises, signals hope for the union about to take place.
On a table or altar, you may place sage, sweet grass, cedar, corn, feathers, a jug of water, a fire, all have symbolic meaning (such as purification), in Native American tradition. You may also place there tied bundles or "sticks" of sacred herbs, to be used in the smudging ritual.
Dress. In the custom of certain tribes and nations, the bride and groom include in their dress or in the setting the following four colors, representing the four directions: black for the north, blue for the south, white for the east, and yellow for the west.
Music. Drums, flutes, and rattles are often used during ceremonial events. You might wish to have live drumming or playing of the cedar flute during your procession. Drums in particular are considered sacred in many tribes and nations. Black Elk, a Sioux holy man born in the mid nineteenth century, explained the importance of the drum: "It is because the round form of the drum represents the whole universe, and its steady strong beat is the pulse, the heart, throbbing at the center of the universe."
The Washing Of The Hands. You may choose to begin your ceremony with a symbolic act of purification, the traditional washing of hands. Your celebrant can offer water, which you in turn pour over each other's hands in silent prayer.
Smudging. Smudging, or "sweeping the smoke," is a simple but powerful Native American purification ritual, meant to clear away negative energies. Sage, considered the strongest cleansing herb, is the traditional choice, though cedar or sweet grass may also be used. Bundles of these herbs are bound together with cotton thread; smudge sticks can also be purchased. The smudge stick can be kept on the altar inside a shell or ceramic pot.
At the smudging (which can take place toward the beginning of the ceremony, perhaps after the opening words), the herbs are lit with matches and burned until they give off clouds of smoke. Prayers may be offered silently or aloud. Then, either the minister or a designated person of honor "bathes" the couple in the purifying smoke. The celebrant first offers the stick to the four corners or directions; then he waves the stick about the bride and groom, starting from the lower bodies and working up to the heads. Sacred intent is paramount in this ancient ritual. Your minister might offer the following explanation
Minister: We shall open this ceremony with the Native American tradition of smudging. This is an act of purification, of cleansing. Sage is considered a sacred plant. It is offered now to the four corners of the earth. All thoughts, all energies are purified and transformed from the negative to the positive, from darkness to light, from fear to love, and from disharmony to peace.
African-American
More and more African-Americans are choosing to honor and celebrate their African heritage in their marriage ceremonies. African-American spirituality is rich and multifaceted; its traditions, music, and literature are beautiful to hear and behold. It is of the soul and feeds the soul, and its influences range from ethnic to religious. Ethnic traditions come from Africa, the Caribbean, and the southern United States, while religious traditions of influence include Christianity and Islam, as well as Yoruba and other indigenous African religions. If you wish to honor your African heritage in a Christian ceremony in a church, check with the pastor regarding any possible restrictions concerning music, dress code, ritual, and so on.
Dress. Native African dress is varied and can be quite regal. An African-American bride or groom may choose to wear full traditional regalia or simply accents, such as an Afrocentric cummerbund or a gele (the bride's head wrap), based on regional variations. The use of kente cloth (as part of the bride's or groom's dress, as ornamentation for the altar, or for the handfasting ritual) is popular with many African-American couples. Kente cloth, developed in Ghana over three thousand years ago, is brightly colored fabric of cotton, silk, or rayon, handwoven and elaborately designed. Cowrie shells, symbolizing fertility, are also a favorite wedding ornament.
Music. In an African-American ceremony, music (live or on CD) may be gospel, traditional African drumming, jazz, the blues, contemporary, or classical music. On the island of Anjouan off the East African coast, drummers in double file lead the groom in the procession, a custom that might be a striking addition to a Western ceremony.
The Setting. You may wish to create an African-inspired altar, which works particularly well in an outdoor setting. Or simply drape kente cloth over the existing altar. Your altar should hold the elements required for whatever rituals you choose. One suggestion is colorful candles with African designs for the Christian lighting of the unity candle. Another could be bowls with African-inspired motifs for the spice-tasting ritual. Or the bride and groom could state their vows while kneeling on pillows made from African fabric.
Ceremonial Washing Of The Hands. In Africa there are many variations on the ritual of washing the hands. In one region water is poured from a gourd over the bride's hands. You may want to begin your ceremony with a ceremonial washing of the hands by having your minister pour a bit of water over the hands of both bride and groom.
The Partaking Of Spices. The partaking of spices is a delightful African tradition, rich in symbolism. Four or more herbs or spices in bowls are set on the altar.
Each spice represents an element of life:
* lemon juice for sorrow,
* vinegar for bitterness,
* cayenne pepper for passion,
* honey for sweetness.
Some couples also include:
* finely chopped kola nuts for strength,
* palm oil for peace and serenity,
* water for purification and blessing.
I very much like the idea of the bride and groom feeding the spices to each other. After the celebrant states the significance of each spice, the bride and groom take turns feeding it to each other, ending with a taste of the sweet honey. You may feed each other with small spoons, or do as many of other couples have done: Use your fingers! To watch the faces of the couple as they feed each other cayenne pepper is especially interesting. Have a glass of water on hand! Have fun with this ritual.
Your minister can offer the following explanation:
>Minister: The bride and groom will now take part in an African wedding tradition whereby they will taste various herbs and spices. (Groom)_____________ and (Bride)_____________, in marriage you commit to endure all aspects of life together. Whether life be bitter (represented by this vinegar), full of sadness (sour like lemon juice), passionate, full of emotion, intense (like hot cayenne pepper), or whether peaceful, calm, and smooth (like palm oil), we pray for you strength (as represented by these kola nuts). Finally, remember this: Should your love endure all the elements that life brings, only then will your life be truly honey sweet.
The Pouring Of Libation. Many couples are now choosing to include a pouring of libation in their ceremonies. The celebrant pours an alcoholic beverage (typically gin, rum, or brandy) on the ground. This works well outdoors; at an indoor ceremony the celebrant may simply pour the libation in a bowl or vessel and later pour it into the ground.
The celebrant explains the ritual and offers a libation prayer.
Minister: Today we call upon our couples ancestors and all assembled guests in witnessing and blessing this sacred union with the African tradition of the pouring of libations.
All praise to God Almighty,
Praise to our African ancestors and roots.
God gave his power for the roots of the trees to spread its branches wide.
If a man does not know his roots, then he does not know his God.
Let the spirit of God and our ancestors bring us closer in unity.
The following African wedding benediction is also appropriate.
Minister: Libations! Libations! (or: Blessings! Blessings!)
To the wandering spirits below!
To the spirits of the mountains,
To the spirits of the East,
To the spirits of the West,
To the spirits of the North,
To the spirits of the South,
To the bride and groom, together, libation! (or: blessing!)
May the spirits on high, as well as the spirits below, fill you with grace.
You may also choose to drink from the libation and later pour the remainder on the ground.
Tying The Knot. The couple are literally and symbolically bound together at the wrists during the ceremony. In Kenya a leather band is used; other regions use braided grass. If you wish to honor your African roots with this ritual, I suggest you have your Minister bind your hands with a sash of kente cloth.
Kwanzaa. If your marriage will take place at the time of Kwanzaa, in December, you may choose to incorporate celebration of the holiday in your ceremony. After they state their intention to marry, the celebrant directs the bride and groom to begin at opposite ends. of a table, each lighting three candles and meeting in the middle to light the seventh jointly. Couples sometimes choose to incorporate the Kwanzaa principles into their wedding vows.
Minister: In honor of Kwanzaa, (Groom)____________ and (Bride)____________ will light seven candles, representing the seven tenets of Kwanzaa: umoja (unity); kujichagulia (self-determination); ujima (collective responsibility); ujamaa (cooperative economics); nia (purpose); kuumba (creativity); and imani (faith).
Minister: (Groom)____________ and (Bride)_____________, as you light these candles you affirm always to keep the light of these principles within your hearts and within your lives.
The Jumping Of The Broom. The jumping of the broom is a popular tradition with roots in Mother Africa. African-American slaves were not allowed to marry; consequently, they developed a simple ritual in which the elder of the family placed a broom across the threshold. When the couple jumped over the broom, it signified the beginning of their making a home together and sealed the union in the eyes of the community.
The broom can be handmade of bound twigs and adorned with bells, cowrie shells, and ribbons, or it may be a standard broom that is decorated. Some brooms are so beautiful that they are displayed in the couples' homes as keepsakes. During the ceremony the broom may be placed either in front of or behind the altar, or it can be held by an elder.
At the end of the ceremony, the celebrant explains the ritual.
Three versions of the explanation follow:
1. Minister: We end this ceremony with the African-American tradition of jumping of the broom. Slaves in this country were not permitted to marry, so they jumped a broom as a way of ceremonially uniting. This marks the beginning of making a home together. It symbolizes the sweeping away of the old and the welcoming of the new. It is also a call of support for the marriage from the entire community. It represents great joy and at the same time serves as a reminder of the past and the pain of slavery.
2. Minister: (This version honors the grandmothers) The bride and groom will now jump the broom, a tradition with roots in Africa. It symbolizes the beginning of making a home together. It seals the union in the eyes of our community. It is traditional that the elders of the family conduct the ritual. We therefore call up (grandmother)____________ and (grandmother)____________. The celebrant then hands the broom to the elder of one family, who makes sweeping gestures to eliminate any negative energies. In this way the bride and groom begin their new life with a clean sweep! That individual then hands the broom to the other elder, who places it on the ground. The bride and groom jump, then kiss. Immediately the music begins, and the couple recess down the aisle to the cheers of family and friends!
3. Minister: Our couple will now jump the broom, a ritual with roots in Mother Africa. As the bride and groom jump the broom, they physically and spiritually cross the threshold into the land of matrimony. Traditionally, jumping the broom was also a means of sweeping away any evil that may come into their paths. Therefore, in honoring this ritual, (bride)____________ and (groom)____________ issue a hope and a prayer of sweeping away any hatred or prejudice between people of different colors, beliefs, or traditions.
The Cutting Of The Cord. An elder representative from each family holds a ribbon for the couple to cut before they recess, symbolizing that the bride and groom belong no longer to their parents' homes but to their own.
Readings And Quotations. Many couples choose to include religious passages from either the Bible or the wealth of literature by African and African-American writers and poets.
Please forward your comments and questions to me.
wedding.ceremonies@cox.net
There are many weddings held during the spring and fall in Japan. Some of you might be attending a Japanese wedding, so I'll explain some of the traditions and give you some etiquette tips to attend a Japanese wedding.
A Japanese wedding ceremony can be Christian, Buddhist, or Shinto style. Since most Japanese aren't religious, the style doesn't necessarily match with their religion. For example, it's common for non-Christian couples to have their wedding ceremonies at a church.
Non-family members don't usually attend the marriage ceremony itself, rather they go to the wedding reception, called "Kekkon Hiroen" in Japanese. The style and scale of wedding receptions vary depending on the regions in Japan. A typical Japanese wedding reception is formal, and it's like a show. If you receive a invitation card, you need to let the couple know if you can attend or not as soon as possible.
If you are attending a Japanese wedding reception, you are expected to bring cash for a gift (called Oshugi). The amount depends on your relationship with the couple and the region, unless the fixed amount is indicated on the invitation card. The average is 30,000yen ($250) for a friend's wedding. It's important that the cash is enclosed in a special envelope called Shugi-bukuro and your name is written on the front. You can even buy the envelopes at a supermarket or convenience store. When you get to the reception, give the envelope to the person at the reception desk and sign your name in the guestbook. People usually dress formally to attend a Japanese wedding reception. You might see many female guests wearing kimono.
The bride changes costumes a couple of times during the reception. Usually, she wears a colorful and gorgeous kimono calleduchikake and a white wedding dress and other colorful dresses. The groom usually wears a men's kimono called haoiri-hakama or a tuxedo depending on what the bride wears.
During the reception, the married couple sits on a stage observing the guests' speeches and performances. You might be asked to do something at the reception. Many people sing their favorite songs. The couple also walks around the tables in the room, lighting the candles and they also cut the wedding cake. There are neither bridesmaids nor a best man at a Japanese wedding. An older couple, called Nakoudo, is responsible for managing the wedding and they sit by the couple on the stage.The bride wears a traditional wedding costume called shiromuku (white kimono) and the groom wears haori-hakama (men's kimono).
Guests' seats are usually arranged according to their relationship with the couple; look for your name on the tables when you enter the reception room. Usually a full-course meal (typically French) is served at the table. Enjoy the meal while other guests are doing their performances. You might be confused when you should eat or not at first, I say look around and follow what others do at your table. When the reception is over, the guests will receive
souvenirs called Hikidemono. Hikidemono traditionally includes dried bonito or sugar, which mean happiness in Japan. In addition, lots of gifts, for example, a cake, silverware, a clock, ceramic, or sake, are given. The average cost of a typical reception party in Japan is a couple million yen ($20,000-$30,000) and the number of guest ranges from 50 to 200 people for an average couple. But the scale of the wedding reception is decreasing in Japan, and simple weddings are becoming more popular in recent years.
Chinese wedding traditions are as varied and complex as China is vast. In addition, during the centuries of ethnic Chinese migration throughout Asia, traditions have evolved and changed due to a myriad of regional and cultural influences. The traditions discussed below offer a preliminary overview for couples who wish to include elements of their Chinese heritage in their wedding plans.
Family First. The best place to begin your plans is with your own family. Discuss your desire to include Chinese traditions with your relatives who have an understanding of such matters. Parents may have included culturally significant elements in their wedding and would be honored and touched that you wish to include similar practices in your ceremony. Our older relations are our best links to our past and can offer knowledge we may not be able to find elsewhere, especially about the region of our ancestry and its unique traditions. Don’t hesitate to ask them to share their expertise. If they don’t have all the answers you’re looking for, they will likely be able to point you in the right direction. If you were raised in a community with significant Chinese influences, you have no doubt attended weddings that included Chinese elements. Search your memory for the points that moved you most, then learn how to include them in your own wedding.
Ancient and Modern. The current Asian-American wedding often melds Western customs with elements of traditional Asian celebrations. Today’s Chinese-American bride may not agree with certain customs and decide not to include them in her ceremony, or the couple may choose to celebrate in Chinese style on one day and Western style on another. This is a particularly common practice if only one member of the couple is Chinese. Remember, it’s your wedding to plan any way you wish. Include or exclude elements, old and new, in the way that is most satisfying to you as a couple.
The Basis. Carried forward for more than 2,400 years, a set of traditions form the basis from which most modern Chinese ceremonies and the events surrounding them are interpreted. Known as the "Three Letters and Six Etiquette," the procedures mainly concern formal arrangements between the two families that are being joined, and are rarely carried out in full today.
Three Letters -- letters exchanged between the two families.
* The groom’s family sends this letter to the bride’s upon the announcement of the engagement. The letter formalizes the engagement and is sent with several gifts.
* A letter is sent by the groom’s family along with a more formal collection of gifts. This missive is more of a gift list than a letter of communication.
* The bride’s family sends a wedding letter to the groom’s family on the wedding day, formalizing the fact that the bride is being brought into a new family.
Six Etiquette -- six customs carried out before the couple is married.
* An emissary sent by the groom’s family to persuade the bride’s family of the groom’s interest in their daughter.
* The groom’s family requests the bride’s birth date and time. The couple’s birthdates are given to a fortune teller who decides if the couple is a good match.
* If compatible, the groom’s family sends gifts to the bride’s family.
* The groom’s family sends more formal gifts.
* The fortune teller selects a wedding date.
* On the wedding day, the groom fetches the bride from her family’s home and brings her to his family home where the ceremony is performed. The couple serves tea to the groom’s parents followed by a wedding banquet.
The Evolution. In the past, the procedures mentioned above were considered essential and were followed for centuries. From them, the elements of most modern ceremonies are drawn. There were many other procedures and rituals followed by couples in the past that persist today. The principle vestige is the exchange of gifts between the families of the bride and groom when the engagement is announced. The groom’s family will sometimes send small, sweet cakes known as "bridal cakes" or "messenger cakes" to the bride’s family. In turn the bride will distribute the cakes to her relatives as announcements of the upcoming wedding. In addition to the gift exchange, it is quite common today for the families to join in throwing the couple an elaborate engagement party.
In place of the fortune teller, many families choose to consult a Chinese calendar to determine a "good day" for the wedding. As in days of old, the groom offers to pay for the wedding, though financial arrangements vary widely, with the bride often contributing substantially.
In the past, as part of the pre-wedding preparations, couples were expected to acquire a new bed to sleep in as a married couple. Today, most couples simply prepare a bed with new linens, often red to symbolize good luck.
The hair combing ceremony is not always performed today, but it is a lovely ritual that is meaningful and simple to perform. The night before the wedding the bride bathes and then takes a seat either in front of lit candles or within sight of moonlight. Her hair is combed by a woman (often her mother) who is considered to be fortunate in life. Her hair is combed four times.
* The first combing symbolizes "from beginning to end."
* The second combing means "harmony from youth through old age."
* The third combing is a wish for many grandchildren.
* The fourth combing offers hope for wealth and a marriage that lasts a long, long time.
The groom sometimes goes through this ceremony in his own home as well, but more often he takes part in a capping ritual symbolizing his passage into adulthood. He kneels in front of a family altar where his father places a decorated cap on his head. He bows first to the altar, and then to his family members.
On the wedding day the groom and his groomsmen arrive at the bride’s home and go through a mock bargaining session for her with her bridesmaids. The groom is often made to do funny embarrassing things such as dances or recitations before the attendants release the bride to him. The couple then serves tea to the bride’s parents. Her parents offer them a gift before they leave for the groom’s home. In the past, the bride alone would serve the tea as a parting ritual. At the groom’s home the couple serves tea to his parents and older relatives as a sign of respect, whereupon the couple receives more gifts. The families then head for the church or registrar to complete the wedding ceremony itself.
The importance of the ceremony often takes second place to the wedding banquet. For many families, the banquet offers an opportunity to repay past kindnesses of family members and friends. It is often seen as a way to renew the good fortune, respect and happiness of the whole family. As many as twelve courses are served during the couple’s banquet. Abundance is the operative word, so if you plan to attend a Chinese wedding, be prepared for a long, fun-filled evening where you’ll eat up a storm.
In addition to the traditional Western wedding gifts, couples at a Chinese wedding will be given small, red envelopes filled with money. The couple collects these packets from the guests as they visit the tables, or guests deposit the packets in a designated box. Large sums of money often accumulate, so many couples hire a security guard to watch the money box.
It is common for a Chinese bride to be married wearing either a traditional Chinese red silk dress or a Western-style white gown, but during the reception she may change clothes several times. These wardrobe changes once symbolized the opulence of her family, but now it is just for
fun.
Chinese Wedding Tea Ceremony
When the bride finally goes out to ascend the car, a bridesmaid will hold a red umbrella over her head, meaning "raise the bark, spread the leaves." Other relatives will scatter rice, red bean and green bean on her. The red umbrella protects the bride from evil spirit, and the rice and beans are to attract the attention of the gold chicken.
When the bridal sedan ( motorcade nowadays) arrives the groom's home, firecrackers and music with gongs and drums greets the bride. The bride will leap over a iron basin with lit charcoal inside. It is a ritual to bring prosperity and keep evils away.
Then at the official ritual that equals to the wedding vow in western wedding, the newlyweds kneel three times, to the heaven and earth, to the ancestral tablets and to their parents. The two then bow to each other. The bride then present tea to the parents and relatives in sequence of seniority. Those who receive the tea usually give the bride gifts such as jewelry or Li Shi money wrapped in red envelope. Thus it's the end of the ritual and the wedding proceeds to the banquet venue.
Each culture has its own traditions. Whether it’s making holiday decorations or planning a wedding, each culture has a unique way of doing things. This is especially true with people who have a Greek heritage. While similar in ways to some cultures, there are a number of differences in Greek wedding traditions. What are some of the more popular Greek wedding traditions?
Dowry.
Although the idea of a dowry may seem obsolete to some people, it is still a Greek tradition. The mother of the bride usually spends years collecting a variety of things from sheets to towels and other household items for her daughter’s marriage. The dowry enables the bride to set up housekeeping.
Engagement.
A Greek tradition that is also found in other parts of the world is the marriage request. The potential groom will meet with the bride’s parents and ask for their daughter’s hand in marriage.
Wedding Date.
While most cultures allow a couple to get married any day they choose, the Greek tradition is slightly different. Couples are not allowed to marry on certain dates during the year. These days are most of the country’s Christian observances such as Lent and the Christmas holidays.
Rings.
The engagement rings, which also serve as the wedding rings, are traditionally blessed twice. When the couple becomes officially engaged, the priest blesses the rings and the couple will wear the rings on their left hand until the wedding. At the wedding ceremony, the priest once again blesses the rings at which time the bride and groom switches the rings to the right hand.
Crowns.
During the wedding ceremony, the bride and groom are adorned with crowns that are connected by a single strand of ribbon. This signifies the union of the couple as well as indicates the pair’s “rule” over their household.
Party Favors.
Candied almonds are considered a favorite at some wedding receptions. However, at a Greek wedding, candied almonds are given to guests immediately following the ceremony. The almonds are usually distributed in a cloth or tulle covering and guests can expect to receive an odd number of the edible delicacies.
Dances.
There are two significant dances associated with a Greek wedding. The first, the Isaiah dance, is performed by the bride and groom during the ceremony. Afterwards the couple is part of another dance. This one, called the Kaslamantiano, is performed in a circle during the reception.
Koumparo.
Koumparo is the Greek wedding tradition of the groom and his attendant preparing for the wedding ceremony. During this time, musicians, playing traditional Greek music, accompany the groom to the church. After this, the musicians will go to the home of the bride and travel with her as she makes her way to the ceremony.
Nyphostoli.
Once the mother’s dowry has been given to the bride and groom, the tradition of Nyphostoli takes place. Local girls will volunteer to set up and decorate the household for the newly married couple.
Receptions.
Greek wedding receptions are lively events. Guests are treated to native food and music as well as traditional Greek dancing. Gifts. Giving newlyweds gifts during the reception is a common occurrence in most cultures. Greek traditions also allow for something slightly different. A person attending a Greek wedding reception should not be surprised to see guests pinning items such as money to the bride’s gown. Anyone who has the opportunity to attend a Greek wedding is in for a treat. With deep ceremonial traditions and a flare for lively receptions, a Greek wedding is an event not to be missed.
In the past, Italian wedding engagements were usually orchestrated by the families of the bride and groom. Lineage was of the most importance, and if the bride's father had any doubts, negotiations could stop in their tracks. In some cases, a matchmaker sent a message (masciata) to the prospective bride's family of the man's hope to marry. If her family found the groom's proposal acceptable, there would be wedding bells and a marriage.
Diamond engagement rings have been popular with Italian brides since the 1400's. Italians have long held that diamonds are created by the flames of love. In medieval Italy, grooms even paid for their brides with precious stones.
In preparation for her wedding day, the bride assembles a trousseau, consisting of household items, clothing, and sometimes even her future husband's clothes to bring to the home of the groom. Her family provided her with a dowry of money and possibly domestic goods. Today, this custom continues in the form of the bridal shower.
Wedding Day Traditions and Folklore in Italy
Traditions
In Veneto, it is customary for the Italian couple getting married to walk to the wedding chapel together. The townsfolk place obstacles in the bride's path to see how she will react to domestic situations. If she picked up a broom, for example, she will keep a clean house. If they put a child in her way and she stopped to help him, she will be a good mother. In some regions, the bride and groom must cut a log in half before they reach the wedding site, using a double handled saw. This demonstrates their partnership in love and marriage.
Tying a ribbon in front of the wedding chapel to symbolize the bond between the couple getting married is another popular wedding custom in Italy. The actual wedding ceremony (sposalizio) is officiated by a priest or civil authority. Old church tradition warns against marrying during Lent and Advent, and marriage is also avoided in the months of May and August. A lengthy celebration begins with a mass in the morning; and the dancing and feasting that follows may continue well into the wee hours of the morning.
Italian Folklore
To ward off evil spirits, a groom in Italy might carry a piece of iron in his pocket. The bride wears a veil to hide her face from jealous spirits. Tearing the veil is considered good luck.
Sunday marriages are believed to be the luckiest.
It is considered bad luck for a bride to wear any gold, on the day she is married, until wedding rings are exchanged.
Symbolic foods for fertility and for good luck are 'confetti -- candy covered almonds tied in mesh bags to toss at the couple; and twists of fried dough powdered with sugar called wanda (bow ties).
Gourmet Food for Italian Wedding Receptions
For hundreds of years, traditional gourmet Italian food has been served to wedding reception guests. Sweet liquor and strong drinks are served to the guests, by the best man, before the dinner begins. This gives the guests a chance to toast the happy couple with "Per cent'anni" which means, for a hundred years.
The menu at an Italian reception is nearly as important as the wedding itself. Guests may be served as many as 14 different courses with wine and other beverages. After dinner, the customary multi-layered Italian wedding cake is served with espresso and coffee. The sheer volume of food reflects how highly anticipated and festive a typical wedding in Italy is.
Wedding Reception Traditions
For the traditional Italian custom of 'buste', the bride will carry a satin bag (la borsa) in which guests place envelopes of money to defer the expenses of customarily lavish Italian weddings. Sometimes the bag is guarded by the bride's grandmother during the festivities or the bride might wear it and allow male guests to put money in it in exchange for a dance with her.
Before the reception is over, the bride and groom usually break a glass. The number of pieces of shattered glass symbolize the years the happy couple will share together. At some weddings, a pair of white doves is released into the air, symbolizing the couple's love and happiness.
Toast to the Newlyweds
One popular custom is a toast, usually made by a male guest after a few glasses of wine. "Evviva gli sposi" - "hurray for the newlyweds." Guests respond with thundering applause. This toast is shouted whenever there is a lull in the wedding celebration, renewing spirits and enthusiasm.
"Kiss for the bride" is another popular Italian toast. It calls for the bride and groom to stand and show their affections for all the guests to see.
There is one wedding Irish tradition that states: 'Marry in May and Rue The Day' while another states: 'Marry in April if you can, joy for maiden and for man'.
When I told my daughter about this Irish superstition, she changed her wedding date so that she'd be married in April!
What began as a search for Irish traditions and customs that she could incorporate into her celebration ended up as an incredible pile of notes that eventually took on a life of its own. Long after her wedding, I was still obsessed with delving into history and folklore, looking for everything I could find on how weddings were celebrated in Ireland long ago.
I am convinced that if couples make the effort, they can have a totally Irish celebration from beginning to end - even to the pre-wedding parties. There's one quaint custom where the groom was invited to the bride's house right before the wedding and they cooked a goose in his honor. It was called Aitin' the gander — it has to be where we get the expression 'his goose is cooked!' We threw one of these dinner parties for my daughter and everyone had a great time. (The apple-potato stuffing has become a family favorite!).
There are so many other traditions, customs and just an incredible amount of folklore to draw upon, that it would be remiss to be of Irish descent and not take advantage of all the possibilities. Here are just a few ideas culled from what eventually has become a 200-plus page book called 'The Traditional Irish Wedding' and it is now available in the United States and will be released in Ireland this spring. As complete as I could make it, the book covers attire, decor, menus, recipes, music, toasts, vows, and perhaps of most value, a resource listing that will help you find everything from Irish wedding gowns and tiaras to sheet music for a Celtic Mass.
Here are some more:
* Bunratty Meade is a honey wine that's served at the Bunratty Castle medieval banquet. It's from a recipe based on the oldest drink in Ireland and if you've never tasted it, it's well worth trying. In the old days, it was consumed at weddings because it was thought that it promoted virility. (If a baby was born nine months after the wedding, it was attributed to the mead!) Couples also drank it from special goblets for a full month following the wedding, which is supposedly where we get the word honeymoon. This was to protect the couple from the fairies coming to spirit the bride away.
* Lucky horseshoe. Irish brides used to carry a real horseshoe for good luck. (Turned up so the luck won't run out). You can get porcelain horseshoes which most Irish brides carry these days, or one made of fabric which is worn on the wrist.
* Magic Hanky. This charming custom involves having the bride carry a special hanky that with a few stitches can be turned into a christening bonnet for the first baby. With a couple of snips it can be turned back into a hanky that your child can carry on his/her wedding day.
* Make-up bells. The chime of bells is thought to keep evil spirits away, restore harmony if a couple is fighting, and also remind a couple of their wedding vows. Giving a bell as a gift has become an Irish tradition. You could also have your greeters hand out tiny bells to your guests to ring as you process. (You might want to let them know when they're supposed to be rung - perhaps mention it in your program along with an explanation of the custom). Guests could also ring their little bells at the reception in lieu of clinking glasses.
* Irish Dancers. Consider hiring a group of Irish dancers to hand out your programs before the ceremony. Dressed in their full regalia, it would add a wonderful touch of of pageantry and color. They could also dance at the reception later. We did this at my daughter's reception and it was a major hit.
* Music. There's so much wonderful Irish music available, you'll have no problems in finding appropriate selections for both the ceremony and the reception. The difficulty will be in deciding which pieces to play!
* Readings: My daughter had the following Irish wedding vow on the front of her program:
By the power that Christ brought from heaven, mayst thou love me. As the sun follows its course, mayst thou follow me. As light to the eye, as bread to the hungry, as joy to the heart, may thy presence be with me, oh one that I love, 'til death comes to part us asunder.
On the back of the program, she had this old Irish proverb: Don't walk in front of me, I may not follow. Don't walk behind me, I may not lead. Walk beside me and just be my friend.
* The Irish Wedding Song. Very popular at contemporary Irish weddings. We had two friends sing this at my daughter's reception while the newlyweds cut the cake. (Afterwards I thought we should have had the lyrics typed up and placed on the tables so that everyone could join in).
* Flowers. In the old days, many Irish brides wore a wreath of wildflowers in their hair; they also carried them in bouquets. For my daughter's wedding, our florist designed gorgeous bouquets that included a flower called Bells of Ireland. In Wales, brides carried live myrtle and gave a sprig to each bridesmaid which they planted. If it grew, the bridesmaid would marry within the year. If you're planning a more general Celtic celebration, this might be worth considering.
* Ancient custom: In the old days, couples ate salt and oatmeal at the beginning of their reception: Each of them took three mouthfuls as a protection against the power of the evil eye. Also, when a couple is dancing, the bride can't take both feet off the floor because the fairies will get the upper hand. Fairies love beautiful things and one of their favorites is a bride. There's many an Irish legend about brides being spirited away by the little people! For the same reason, it's bad luck for a bride to wear green. I've also heard that it's bad luck for anyone to wear green at an Irish wedding - but I think it really only applies to the bride. It's also bad luck for a bride or the groom to sing at their own wedding.
Portents and omens:
* A fine day meant good luck, especially if the sun shone on the bride. If you're a Roman Catholic, one way to make certain that it won't rain is to put a statue of the Infant of Prague outside the church before your ceremony.
* It was unlucky to marry on a Saturday.
* Those who married in harvest would spend all their lives gathering
* A man should always be the first to wish joy to the bride, never a woman
*It was lucky to hear a cuckoo on the wedding morning, or to see three magpies
* To meet a funeral on the road meant bad luck and if there was a funeral procession planned for that day, the wedding party always took a different road
* The wedding party should always take the longest road home from the church
* It was bad luck if a glass or cup were broken on the wedding day
*A bride and groom should never wash their hands in the same sink at the same time—it's courting disaster if they do
* It was said to be lucky if you married during a 'growing moon and a flowing tide'
* When leaving the church, someone must throw an old shoe over the bride's head so she will have good luck
* If the bride's mother-in-law breaks a piece of wedding cake on the bride's head as she enters the house after the ceremony, they will be friends for life.
Many other customs are interspersed throughout the book, e.g. (from the reception section) the top tier of your wedding cake should be an Irish whiskey cake which is saved for the christening of your first baby. I've also heard of another custom which just came to my attention and will be included in the next edition: a bottle of champagne is saved from the reception so that it can be used to 'wet the baby's head' at the christening.
In finally making this book a reality, my hope is that when he says to you 'would you like to be buried with my people', or you say to him 'would you like to hang your washing next to mine', you'll say yes, and then use the suggestions to help you plan an Irish celebration reflective of your roots and as romantic as your heritage.
And for all engaged couples and their families in the midst of pre-wedding chaos, I raise a parting glass: May all your joys be pure joy and all your pain champagne.
Copyright by Bridget Haggerty all rights reserved
Scottish Wedding Traditions
Scotland had always had its own way of doing things, and that includes weddings. Today’s Scottish weddings are a blend of ancient Highland traditions and the more modern, streamlined rights.
Wedding traditions in ancient times
Scottish wedding traditions started as far back as the thirteenth century. Back then the medieval church would announce each wedding in church for three successive Sundays. Such announcements were called the “banns of marriage.” The practice of proclaiming the banns in church lasted for more than six hundred years. Finally the banns gave way to a simple announcement of intent to get married and the obtaining of a marriage license from the local registrar.
Today it is no longer required to proclaim the marriage banns in church for three successive Sundays, but it is still necessary for all couples wishing to marry to give notice of their intent. In this way the ancient forms are still respected – but in a more modern way.
Another ancient custom was called “creeling the bridegroom.” This custom required the bridegroom to carry a large basket (a creel) filled with stones on his back. He had to carry this weight from one end of the village to the next and continuing carrying it around the town until his intended bride would come out of her house and kiss him.
On the day of the wedding virtually the entire village would turn out to form a procession leading the happy couple to the church, where two wedding services were traditionally held. The first service was held just outside the doors of the church, where the priest would marry the couple in the Scottish language. Once the Scottish ceremony was finished, the priest would lead the entire procession into the church where the ceremony would be performed once more, only this time in Latin.
At the end of the ceremony the bride and groom would exchange rings, the circular ring with no beginning and no end being the symbol of never-ending love, and then the couple would kiss their wedding kiss in front of all their assembled witnesses.
Following the ceremony the entire wedding party would be piped (led by bagpipers) to a relative’s home for a lavish wedding reception/party. Here the pipers would play lively up-beat tunes for hours on end and outdoor feasting and dancing and general merrymaking would begin and often last the entire night. Traditionally the first dance of the night, customarily a reel, was led by the wedding couple, after which everyone joined in and the festivities went on non-stop.
Finally, when the celebration was over, the new couple were led to their house where the groom, wishing to protect his new bride from the evil spirits that inhabit the thresholds of doors, would lift his new bride’s feet from the ground and carry her across her new threshold and into her new home. The priest would then bless the new home and would often bless the couple in their wedding bed before they would finally be alone together for the first time as husband and wife.
Modern Scottish wedding traditions
Today the wedding ceremony is not quite so formal or so ritualistic – but many of today’s traditions still hearken back to the traditions of the past. Usually about a week before the ceremony the mother of the bride will hold a “show of presents” for her daughter. This corresponds to the bridal shower in other cultures. During the show of presents the female guests bring gifts to help the new couple establish a home of their own. The presents are opened for everyone to see and the bride’s mother serves tea and cakes.
A slightly more raunchy tradition is the groom’s stag party. Just before tying the knot the groom and his male friends go out for a wild night of partying and drinking. Often the groom is so drunk by the end of the evening that he hardly notices that his friends leave him in the street in front of his home, partly or even fully naked, sometimes tied up.
The modern Scottish bride will wear a traditional or contemporary white wedding gown, while the groom dresses in traditional Highland kilt, kilt jacket and sporran. The couple are either bag piped down the isle or traditional Gaelic hymns are played as they walk to the alter. The Highland Wedding is played at virtually all Scottish weddings.
Once at the alter the couple may choose to recite their vows in ancient Gaelic or to recite them in modern English. Following the vows the groom often pins a strip of his clan’s tartan colors to the bride’s wedding dress to signify that she is now a member of his clan.
Following the ceremony the bride and groom and all their honored guests head to a private home or to a restaurant for a lavish reception feast. At the typical Scottish reception you can count on the bride and groom being “piped” to the table of honor, where the bride will cut the first slice of wedding cake using a dirk (a long-bladed knife) that is provided to her by the piper. As the bride slices the first piece of wedding cake, custom dictates that her hand is guided by the hand of her new husband.
The wedding reception is filled with music, signing, much drinking and toasting to the health and happiness of the new couple. The celebrations can go on into the wee hours of the morning.
One custom that hasn’t changed for more than 700 years is the custom of the groom carrying his new bride over the threshold of their new home together. Today’s husband may not be aware that the custom originated to keep evil spirits from entering his wife through her feet, but the custom is performed nonetheless.
Modern Scottish wedding traditions are far more relaxed than they were in the olden days, but even today remnants of the ancient traditions still linger – making Scottish weddings the festive and joyous occasions that they are.
Portugal is a ancient and once-powerful country rich with tradition and heritage, including many ancient wedding customs.
Modern Portuguese weddings
Today more than 99% of all Portuguese are Roman Catholic and most weddings over the past 30 years or so have been patterned after the modern religious ceremonies in the United States and Western Europe.
That’s not to say that there is nothing of the old customs in the modern ceremonies of today. Even today it is customary for the oldest members of the community to attend a stag party for the groom at which he bids farewell to his single life and his single friends. It is also still customary, as it was in ancient times, for friends and neighbors to lend a hand wherever they can to help with the celebration and with the wedding itself. Also, the ancient custom of passing around the bride’s shoe during the reception and stuffing it with money to help the young couple with their honeymoon and to help them start their new life together is still very much alive.
Recently, however, there has bit somewhat of a revival in the ancient wedding customs. More and more couples are now opting for the romanticism and tradition of the more ancient wedding customs handed down from generation to generation.
Past wedding traditions are enjoying a rebirth.
In days past it was customary for the groom to send a friend or a relative to ask the prospective bride’s father if he could ask for the daughter’s hand in marriage. If the father agreed then the young man would formally ask for the girl’s hand in marriage and the marriage was allowed to take place.
There are a few of the old traditions which are not practiced even by couples wishing to wed the old-fashioned way. For example, there was a tradition in which the prospective bride would pretend to be a cow that needed to be recognized by its owner, her soon-to-be husband. Customs such as these are usually skipped over.
For the ceremony the traditional bride wears a white Chinese tunic covered with colorful jewels. The groom wears a dark suit, white shirt, and a stylish dark top hat. At the conclusion of the ceremony, as the bride and groom are placing their wedding bands on each other’s hand, the priest covers the couple with his stole.
Then, as the happy couple exit the church, their friends and family throw flowers and candies in the same way that other cultures toss rice or wheat. Following the ceremony the couple parades through the streets, where friends, family and even complete strangers wish them happiness in their new life together. The couple then have a quiet time together, where they traditionally drink tea and eat small cakes.
The following day the couple visit all of their wedding guests and personally thank each one for attending their wedding.
A blending of old and new traditions
Today the young couple is more likely to go to a wedding reception following the marriage ceremony. The reception is held either at a home or, more commonly today, in a restaurant. During the reception there is much traditional music, dancing, plenty of sea food and other delicacies, and much wine. Portugal is known for its wine and wedding guests are known for their frequent toasts to the happy couple.
At the reception there is much dancing and laughing and the telling of stories about the bride and the groom. There is also, traditionally, a money dance, during which young men pay for the privilege of dancing with the bride or during which the bride’s shoe is passed around the dance floor and is filled with money to help the new couple get a start in life and to have a long and happy honeymoon.
So while it is possible for a young couple to enjoy a modern wedding in Portugal, it is also becoming more and more common for weddings to incorporate some of the fun and old-fashioned values of the more ancient traditions. Either way, there are few places in the world more steeped in tradition or more romantic in which to marry than Portugal.
